she

i woke up thinking about her
she's still fresh on my duna

but holy shit she's hard to read. I don't get it. it's cryptic. i feel like I'm doing summersaults trying to understand what she's saying and I can't make sense of it.

this is what I missed hey. sadly for leila, i haven't felt such a strong pull to a person in so long. it feels WONDERFUL. i feel like my purpose has been reinvented and I have a new challenge. I want what I can't have. I want to make her feel so good. the things I could show her, and the way I could make her feel. oh wow.

but she seems uninterested. and then again, why should I be? fresh out of a relationship I should be fishing the sea and doing my own thing. she doesn't place her hand like she did that time and our knees aren't touching. that's odd. this feels all too friendly.

what about that party though? my heart burnt for her that night. holding her close had never felt so good. I was full of energy and it was all coming from her. surely she was charged too? I could feel it in the twists, turns, and restless lips. our knees touched and I got a glimpse of something that I wanted deep down. and it's not even selfish. half of it was knowing how she felt, what it rose in her when I touch her here, or kiss her here. the changes, the feeling, the thought. they all work together in her mind and her heart and it's either not working anymore, I'm doing it wrong out of mal practice, or the worst possible: I've been friendzoned.

I suppose it was stupid to think that I was a little different. those were drunken trails of lust and thought inside her, and my ego just took it on board. an [altered] glimpse of something special... shame.

fuckthat. now she's in my head, then she'll be under my skin. i need to get under hers. she'd love it.