So being 17 and a half, having had a stable consistent relationship for nearly 3 years now I'm faced with the issue of monogamy. I've had a threesome and that was awesome, but it was a one off. A monogamous relationship is one where both partners are sexually and emotionally exclusive to the other, having sexual or romantic disregard for anyone but the significant other. Or that's the case in my head. I feel like this discussion should be split up into two sides: physical and emotional.
Because here's the thing. Emotionally, I'm 100% devoted to Tiger. No doubt about it. I love her to bits, and I love everything about her. She makes me smile, she comforts me, she makes me happy and I make her happy. we have amazing sex and know each other back to front... when she goes away on holiday or whatever, my heart aches to see her, hold her and kiss her again. I Love her.
With the libido of a 17 year old, naturally my eyes wander. More and more I've been noticing other girls in the street, at school, and just... around. I start thinking naughty thoughts about them... and then my sensibility kicks in.
"Hey what the fuck? Why are you thinking about kissing her there!? You shouldn't want to touch her thighs or make her sigh by licking behind her knee. You should want to lick Tiger in those spots... You should want to make your love for her tangible through these things... yet you crave that with other girls? how dare you. That's wrong. That's wrong man... imagine how she'd feel if she knew you thought these things."
My dick fights back. "I've seen Tiger nude a million times. She's still hot but it's regular. She gets changed in front of me... totally takes away the speciality of seeing her nude. I want something new. I want some fresh meat. I want to explore what I don't know. You're 17 moo. I wont stay this hard for this long and serve you so well forever douchebag. Use me on everything possible! I'm sick of your hand."
Sometimes I wonder if it's the source of anger I have with Tiger when we fight... A million times in my head I've thought about whether being with other girls would reinforce the love I have for her. I think in my head I see her, rather than monogamous customs as the barrier between getting what I want and what I need. Maybe if I can disassociate that then things will be a whole lot easier... but for now I NEED TO FUCK.
Monkey once told me that meaningless sex is nothing compared to the real thing. It's just fucking without a cause. Sex in a relationship is the most satisfying because you know each others bodies, and know what the other wants.
I'm saying... I don't know meaningless sex! I've slept with 5 girls. two meant something. The other two I was still attached to Tiger emotionally though not together, and I think that tainted the experience greatly. at its most simplest form... I want to fuck girls because they are hot and for no other reason. I haven't experienced that and I'm going through the time of my life that my sexual organs are at their peak. I think about sex so much and I can't help but imagine that if I had sex with random women that I'd be ok being monogamous for another while...
Time is running out. I'm moving to New Zealand soon, and I fear that if I'm with Tiger until then I'll kick myself for not taking the opportunities I have here. My overreactive brain has figured out that there are at least 4 or 5 girls I could sleep with in Australia. Accessible, close, and sexy. Now while I've said that... I don't want you thinking that I'm holding out on Tiger and think about these 5 girls non stop like it's all that's on my mind. Kinda, but no.
I think the most important thing to me is that I know in my heart that I Love tiger, and am only sexually attracted to other girls. I don't think many people would understand that. It's a hard issue. We're brought up in our society to think that cheating is a deadly sin, you're a slut if you sleep around and affairs are divorce worthy. All I'm saying is, I have needs (how ignorant).
The stigma attached to sleeping around is, in western culture negative. You're labelled with words such as disease, dirty, slut, whore, tramp, and fag. Gay people understand it. Monogamy is for straight people. I'm doomed.
Look... It's complicated. Because anything I do affects tiger, and that's the root of the issue. writing helps: I can get my thoughts out. The internet doesn't care either way.
No comments:
Post a Comment